hSP Inc. - We build realities.

Not too long ago I wrote about a perceived “pressure” on me / my thinking / my reality, unpleasant feelings that I perceived as pseudo-physical and so on.

I found a pretty good solution to that back then in the “Loving what is.. literally” post, but now I think I finally really got it (yet again it’s probably just one step further along the way down into this personal rabbit hole of mine ;)).

I really got that there is Source / PPE (=Pure Positive Energy) on either side of the curtain so-to-speak, that behind every unpleasant / “negative” emotion there is PPE right behind it. You can’t not be without Source (since you are Source) and yet I did what most people did instinctively.

Reflexive, unreflected avoiding

I instinctively avoided negative emotion, literally running from it in my thoughts and focus.

But as Abe-Esther puts it so nicely: “Don’t worry, it (=the feeling) will get stronger.”

Even when I was supposedly feeling depressed for years, fearful for another bunch of ‘em, even though I was actually feeling bad most of the time during those years, I never really actually faced the emotion itself.

Old behaviours

To put it in a picture that may be easier to imagine:
Imagine a never-ending wall (that could be called “resistance”) of infinite length and height, towering over and above your self.
“I”, a silly focus of Source in this playground, am on one side of the wall while Source is on the other side of the wall as well.
I don’t like the wall. In fact I didn’t even notice it until now. And now that I noticed it, it’s in the way to where I want to go, where I want to be. I used to hate being near the wall and kept my distance to it. Out of sight, out of mind, so-to-speak.

At times an experience pulled me towards Source on the other side of the wall and I felt lousy downright rotten, because the wall was still there.

What’s more, the closer I got to the wall, the more lousy I felt.

So what I did was yet again try to get away from it as fast and furthest as possible.
Or if I didn’t have the power to move away in that red hot minute, I walked pretty close along it while still keeping my distance and I increased the distance, when -with time- I had collected enough energy to make the way back to my normal everyday state of being.

The wall was so really to me, that it just simply _was_. I got so preoccupied with the wall being in my way I couldn’t even come up with a thought like “It’s probably not as real as I imagine it to be”.

And that was the usual pattern during most of my past.

Comes in today..

Today I finally got to the point where I was, doubtfully at first, but surely and more and more deliberately, leaned into this “wall” of negative emotion, half-expecting that it would tumble over to the other side (or what I feared at the time: fall all over me, burying me under it). But instead the funniest thing happened:

I _became_ the “wall”, first just a little and more and more when I realized, that now that I was the “wall” I could for the first time see what was on the other side of the wall. And what can I say, it’s just more of the same stuff as where I started from, namely PPE / Source.

Thanks to this realization, the “walls”, “blocks”, “disconnects”, “resistances”, negative emotions don’t really have much power any more.

In fact they don’t have any more power than I’m willing to give them in any moment.

Where I thought before about how I could get and stay away from any wall as far and much as possible, I’m now getting more and more eager to find many more of those “walls” to re-discover the other side of.

And the funniest thing happens everytime I do that:
The “wall” usually dissolves by itself during this process.

When it doesn’t, I simply imagine Source flowing from both sides of the curtain unto the wall, dissolving what was there and making one what was one to begin with, like two rivers of water gushing forth at one spot.

Really now, this makes me wonder how those “walls” could even hold (me) up so long to begin with. Anyways, here they go.

Releasing resistance _IS_ fun

To put it in other words:
Resistance not only can be fun, no, resistance IS fun. Always. Especially in the process of -piece by piece- freeing yourself from the backpack of memories you carried around for oh so long.

In a sense, my post about “Loving what is.. literally” was a precursor of this realization.
I may not be at a point (yet) where I fully AM the other side of the curtain as well (on a feeling level), but at least I know consciously that I’m this side of the curtain and the curtain / “wall” itself.. and the “other” side of the curtain joyously helps me along in anything I feel like.

How much better will it get from now on?

I’m joyously awaiting the things, ideas, realizations to come.

Have a good one,
Frederic

P.S: Ah, since I brought the pseudo-physical feelings and “pressure” up in the first place, here’s why I did it: I’m actually ‘leaning into’ those feelings or “pressure”, becoming them and really feeling what it’s like to _be_ that feeling, what’s it all about and most importantly: Ever enjoying what Joy I’m gonna find on the other side that was hidden from me before.

Final notes

I just realized that Steve over at stevepavlina.com wrote exactly the same thing in a post back in December 2007. And to think I haven’t visited his site since last May.. Coincidences.

At least I added (my preferred) imagery to the topic.

May you find the inspiration you like in either posts.